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6.07.2010

Random Hearts

Rasanya ada satu movie dengan tajuk ni. Rasanya la. 

My so-called random hearts bukan la disebabkan hati berubah pada orang lain. Nope. Not at all. It's just something about me all around me. More to making decision. Walaupun masa kat UTM belajar pasal decision making, life isn't what it is in your text book. 

Actually banyak benda circling my mind these days. Hari ni kat opis dapat berita pasal Kak Ja dapat tukar ke JKR KT. Still in the same building but yet in a different work space. Ni je la colleague yang close dengan aku kat Korporat tu. So, it is quite heart breaking. 

Cukup bulan ni equals to setahun aku kat JKR. Setahun aku tinggalkan RPM. Setahun aku kat Korporat. Setahun aku kembali hidup di rumah mak abah. Setahun bunyinya tak lama. Tapi kalau sebut 12 bulan mungkin macam lama sebab angka 12. 365 hari. Lagi lama bunyinya. Yet, in a year so many things happened.

I'm torn apart between my needs and others' needs. My initial plan doesn't turn out to be as planned. So many things had to be sacrificed yet so many things to gain along the way. 

Rumours spreading fast saying CFS contracts will not be continued. So, aku ada another year to serve the government. So kena la ambik this opportunity to pick up everything as much as possible. Tapi bila melihat situasi sekarang kat korporat, what more can I learn? Semua paperwork. And my technical skills are getting low. Memang tak rasa macam engineer pun sebab tiap kali masuk meeting and they talk about projects, banyak terms yang aku tak paham. Seriously, what the heck I'm doin here??

So, memang ramai yang suruh aku mintak tukar pergi district. At least boleh belajar banyak benda on projects. JD Marang dah banyak kali cakap ngan aku pasal ni. And it made me feel bad most of the time. Rasa useless. Tapi apa yang dorang cakap ni betul. I admit it.

Memang aku pernah cakap kat bos aku tu pasal nak tukar. He knows aku kalau boleh taknak tukar pergi district jauh-jauh. My intention memang la nak stay ngan famili je sebab bila lagi nak duk ngan famili? Nanti dah kawin dah tak merasa semua tu. Baru la time tu nak homesick ke hape. Lagipun since working, aku memang dah duk jauh dari family. At least I'm at home, I can help here and there. And yes, thinking that kita ni tiap hari bukan makin muda tapi makin menghampiri mati aku rasa ada baiknya aku spend more time with my parents. Aku nak ganti balik all the time loss.

Dan juga memikirkan nak kawen tahun depan, at least I wanna be there during the preparations. Takdela nanti aku lepaskan bulat-bulat kat famili aku doing most of the preps. 

And for some current issues in the family, it would be selfish of me to just walk away. Many things happen and if I'm just thinking about myself, memang awal-awal lagi aku mintak pergi district jauh dari rumah. Besut ke, Kemaman ke. Tapi why must we be selfish? Dalam famili ni banyak kena sacrifice. So takpela. I'm a tough cookie! So kena la berhati kering dan banyak bersabar...

Banyak hati perlu dijaga sampai hati sendiri tak terjaga. Owh....



DividedHearts,

2 comments:

nieta said...

we r not just tough cookies or donuts (considering the current size & it's also our favs) we r also cookie monsters! we r tougher & stronger than that 4th sis :P

wanyusnira said...

cookie monster pon kalah ngan kite.. haha!