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7.29.2010

Now & Then

A friend once told me, don't go digging your partner's past life or you're the one left with the heart ache. I couldn't agree more. He's right. And I do think it's the best to keep what happened in our past from our partner.

My fiance, Irman was in a 7-year-relationship with his ex when I knew him. We were merely just colleagues back then and I was aware with his status. He often tells me about his girl of that time. And yes, it was something beyond my wildest imagination that one day I'll be his girl. Life is full of unexpected events right?

Well, we were good friends back then. Since we started dating, we just keep moving forward. In the early phase, I wasn't so sure that I made the right decision in making commitment with him. Realizing that he just broke up for three months and she was the one who decided to break off. There was a little insecurity that they might get back together again. But after he convinced me and explained on what happened between them, I believe there's nothing to loose. We moved forward together.

I did get a chance meeting his ex in their schoolmates' wedding. FYI, they went to the same secondary school back then. She didn't come and say Hi to him and he didn't make any eye-contact with her. And of course, she just ignore me. So, I guess my insecurity about them going back together is a no-no. I'm relieved.

So we never talk about our past relationship since that. He knew about my ex but we never talk about what happened between us. Unless I started to talk about it. And having him as a friend before going into a relationship was an advantage to both of us. We're not pretentious, honest and doesn't have to hide anything. Everything is natural and we don't have to act macho or pretty in front of each other just because we are now boyfriend and girlfriend. It's like we're around our friends. We can laugh out loud and go crazy without worrying are my hair on the right place? or am I laughing too loud? or did I eat too much just now? We can be our own selves. Without worries.

But some people decided to go through all the hassles and dig about their partner's past relationships. I still don't get it. Why must we go through all the tiny details about what our partner did in their past just to get our heart crushed that they might savor a bit of their memories of the past relationship in today's life?

We live for the future. Not for what we had in the past. Our past is history. And it depends on how you see the past. I cherished what I had before. It was my learning curve. I learned about friends, life, relationship and people around me. It taught me to make decisions today. And we learn best from our experience. That is how I see my past. Also Irman's past. He had his own learning curve. Things that taught him of life. And I don't want to bother about what he had with his past girlfriends. Whether he still remember them once in a while or whatsoever. Whether they wish him Happy Birthday on his birthdays or says Hi once in a while. Because I strongly believe that both of us know where our heart is. We believe in each other. It doesn't matter how far we are apart and how busy our day is, we have faith in each other.

For the some people that I mentioned earlier, they have this insecurities. Of that their partner still didn't forget their past relationships. That they still keep the memories together. We cannot erase memories. Unless you knock off their head hard enough to make them forget the memories. Which is ridiculous. I don't think this should be an issue and start a fight with your partner about the past. I believe even the some people refuse to erase the memories if they were given a choice. You cannot force people to just forget things. But if you own the device from Eraser, then things come in handy. :p

Anyway, these some people who had these insecurities about their relationship with their partner should realize that their partner had made the commitment with them. And for those who are married, you should believe in your partner. And yourself. Believe that your partner married you for who you are. If they couldn't let go of the past, they won't be marrying you for god sake! Why should you bother about what happened in the past? To start a fight about someone who came before you is so stupid. You don't even exist in their life back then. You haven't cross each others path back then. So why should you bother on things where you're not in the same time line?

It will be a different story if your partner cheats on you with someone you know. At least that is something worth fighting for. And if your partner's ex already had their own life with their own family, that is another stupid thing you should bother. They are moving on with their own separate life. Have faith on your partner and your relationship. You'll respect each other more and the trust grew stronger. If you still have this insecurities it means you still doesn't know your partner well. Being a girlfriend or a wife doesn't stop you from being a friend to your boyfriend or husband. Be his best friend. Let down your ego, let off your guards and treat him as a friend. Things will be fun.

For the  some people out there. You are being stupid for fighting over on your partner's history. As if you don't have any history. Those people in the past are back then. You are what is now. If you can't live with the fact that you came in later in their life, pity on you. You should ask your partner if they had past relationships before making commitments. If you can't stand being the last in line, you should go find someone else with no history of previous relationships. Then you'll be the one and only. We are human. Not God. If we are God, then we can arrange our life to be the least complicated and hassle-free. Life without challenge.

And I kept a line from a Korean series which sounds something like this, "She is someone he worries once in a while". You are the one that doesn't come once in a while, but all of the time.


OppsieDoppsie: "Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man"

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Faith,

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